peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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