I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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