Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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