I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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