Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this boner is exhausting
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
