FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
