i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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