found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
