fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
