so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
