Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
