I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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