i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
