The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize