Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
