maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
