please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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