even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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