I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
