I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
