Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
