i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
