I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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