This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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