After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize