Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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