threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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