the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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