i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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