the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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