I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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