batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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