My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
