It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
