I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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