Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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