He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
