wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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