I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
