i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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