I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
