Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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