I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
