It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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