About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
