you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
