I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
