have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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