A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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