i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
