im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
