just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
