The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
