Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
