I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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