a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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