We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
