This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
