First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
