You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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