4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
