Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize