omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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