its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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