saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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