and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
