The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
