like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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