is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
