Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
