pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
