I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
