He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
