My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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