This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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