Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
