im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
