I look better un-naked...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
