You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
