Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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