Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
