me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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