Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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