you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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