He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
