Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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